Numerology Report - Funny. Sarcastic. Completely Accurate.
Because Apparently We Need To Talk About Your Life Choices.
NZ$39.00
Have you ever wondered...
• Why every school report seemed to contain the words: "Easily distracted and talks too much."
• Why you cry when the dog dies in the movie, but barely react when three main characters get wiped out?
• Why you're brilliant at giving advice, but still ask Google, ChatGPT, your best friend, and a random Facebook group how to solve your own problem?
• Why you can remember something embarrassing from 1997 but can't remember where you put your reading glasses?
Your numbers know.
This isn't a boring numerology report filled with textbook definitions and generic personality descriptions.
This is a genuine numerology reading written in plain English — with humour, relatable observations, real-life examples, and the occasional uncomfortable truth.
You'll laugh.
You'll feel slightly exposed.
And at least once, you'll probably say:
"Fuck... that sounds exactly like me."
Because understanding yourself shouldn't feel like homework.
It should feel like finally reading the instruction manual that somehow got lost when you were born.
In Plain English...
Life Path
The reason life keeps assigning you extra homework.
Birthday Number
The talents you've had all along (whether you've been using them or not).
Expression Number
How you're wired... and why some people find you delightful while others find you exhausting.
Heart's Desire
What your soul wants while your brain is busy making other plans.
Personality Number
Your public reputation. Accurate or not, this is what people think they're getting.
Personal Year
The chapter you're currently stumbling, striding, or being dragged through.
12-Month Forecast
The trailer for the next season.
Funny. Sarcastic. Completely Accurate.
Ordering
Please provide:
• Full name at birth
• Name you currently use
• Full date of birth
Each report is prepared individually.
Please allow up to 5 working days for delivery via email.